Why Most Men Are Afraid of Doing What it Takes to Become the Man They Want to Be

Justin Spencer-Young
2 min readNov 16, 2022


When you answer the call to do your Work, it is the first step to becoming the man you want to be.

The call often comes when you discover that you have made bad choices. Your bad choices may be a product of your shadow and childhood wounds. Looking in the mirror and finding the courage to look closely at the source of your wounds is a profound step on a healing journey.

What might the avatar of a modern man who chooses to take this journey look like?

The first steps of the journey are tremendously rewarding. If you do the Work and discover your shadow, you will learn the reasons behind your poor choices.

Relief comes from finding the source of childhood wounds and shadows. The hard part comes next.

The hard part is to keep going after the initial high. The lows will come, and you will be tempted to quit.

The aspirational avatar of the ideal man, who you might strive to become as a product of doing your Work, has the following qualities and characteristics:

  • A man who keeps his agreements.
  • A man who takes responsibility for the impact of his choices, intended and unintended.
  • A man who can see that the actions of others that anger him are a reflection of himself.
  • He can let go of anger.
  • He can love without reservation.
  • He is a confident man.
  • He is a man who speaks up for those who can’t.
  • He is a friend.
  • He is a leader.

These characteristics are easy to write down; it’s hard to live up to them. It is particularly difficult without the support of others.

After years of working with men and sitting in circles supporting men, I have met hundreds of men who find it too hard to show up consistently. Most men quit.

Shadow works in devious ways. It trips men up when they least expect it. One of the ways that shadow works is through self-doubt. It happens when a man experiences a significant event that stirs his emotions.

Having an outlet to process emotions and test your stories is vital to staying consistent with the Work.

Read this post and more on my Typeshare Social Blog



Justin Spencer-Young

Daily content creator at Fast Forward Business. Chief Valueologist. Fast Forward Business Podcast…look out for my daily podcast…a shot of value in your day