Why Men are Afraid of Shadow Work. It’s Scary

Shadow is that part of yourself that you hide, repress, and deny.

We all have that little piece of shame. Shame is a judgement of yourself and how you might appear to the world. Why would you want anyone to know that you think of yourself as a failure?

A common shadow amongst men is a self-belief that they are a failure.

The shadow of failure is a story you have made up. It is almost definitely not true, and it’s holding you back.

Shadow Work is about uncovering the source of a false story and rewriting a new story. Going back to the source is scary. It can be sad and painful but also incredibly revealing.

I did a piece of Shadow Work recently. Perhaps a short story about my Work might inspire you.

I have the bones of a new book written. It has sat on my desk, staring back at me for eight months. What is holding me back from publishing?

I’m not good enough and fear of failure.

Those are two GOATs of shadow work.

I asked a man to guide me on a journey to find the source of this “not good enough” and “fear of failure”.

With the lights turned down and several men in support, I travelled back in time to find the origin of this story of failure. In my mind’s eye, I found myself standing on the side of the cricket field as a schoolboy. My dad was sitting in the shade next to the sights screen. He was there every Saturday. Suddenly I had a cold rush of fear come over me.

My guide suggested that there might be an earlier time in my life when I felt this fear. Immediately my mind took me back to a time as a younger boy at a cricket coaching session. The coach was manhandling me into the correct position to play a forward defence. The coach said, “why can’t you just get this right?”. I recalled several occasions where this coach systematically wore me down with his negativity.

I made up a story about myself based on the message from the coach. The story was: I’m not good enough and will never be as good as my father. That was a false message that has lived with me my whole life.

With the benefit of age and wisdom, I can step out of that situation with the coach. The story I made up about being not good enough was not true. I knew I could hit the ball harder and further than anyone at the nets that day.

The words I needed to say to the coach at the time were, “just let me hit the ball!”

During my Shadow Work process I touched the source of my shadow. In doing so, I have a new message to replace the old false message.

My new message: “just hit the ball”. It’s all about taking action and doing what I know I can do.

After ten years of this Work, there is still Work to do. I am Work in progress.

What Work do you need to do, and have you got the courage to do it?

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