What is Your Gold and How Does It Show Up?
Every Tuesday night, my diary is blocked out for Igroup. That is men sitting in a circle talking about their stuff.
Igroup is short for “integration group”. We follow the same process every time. An important rule is we don’t give advice to other men. This is a place to come and process issues and discover how to play the game of life as best you can.
One of the elements of life that we look at in detail is shadow. Shadow is that part of ourselves that we hide, repress, and deny. Men who are practised at this work can find it easy to explore their shadow in fine detail. Each time, they look for how their shadow trips them up and causes havoc in their lives.
A man’s shadow often stems from a psychological wound they received as a child.
When a man thinks he has it sorted, his shadow shows up differently. There is always Work to be done. So much so that men get stuck in shadow work and forget about the gold that shines within them.
At a recent gathering, a man asked the group to take the time to share their gold. That means telling other men about the awesome, great, incredible, valuable stuff you bring to the world. If shadow represents Heads, gold represents Tails.
At this gathering, in an early round of checking in, the men mostly skirted the subject of their gold. There was an air of avoidance. That is not unusual. For many, speaking about their gold is hard. I find it hard.
I find it hard because I don’t do it often. My experience is that the men in my circle don’t do it often either.
When last did you stand before a group and tell them about the gold you bring to the world. Sharing your gold is not a sales pitch. When I share my gold with my Igroup, I am acutely aware that they already know my gold. I am not sharing my gold for their benefit; I am doing for mine. It is a process of awareness. It is an opportunity to recognise that I am not only my shadow. The light and dark exist together, and we should take the time to recognise the light in amongst the darkness.
With some tactful leadership, a man encouraged us to have another go at connecting with our gold and sharing it with the group. The second time around, we were much better. I felt proud to sit amongst a group of men who could openly share the shining light of who they are. Proud because I feel trusted. Trusted to hold what they say in confidence. Trusted to encourage them to look deeper.
In sharing my gold, I felt joy and sadness. Joy to connect with those parts of me that I am proud of. Sadness because of my fear of being seen as proud. Even in sharing my gold, my shadow is present.
There is always Work to be done. Never fear, we will come back next Tuesday.
Justin Spencer-Young
